The Ship Be Sinking

Mouth Almighty


I suppose I should write something about this. Look, it is what it is- Hopkins should be a gigantic favorite for this one, to the point where I’m tempted to call this a non-competitive fight. Jones in his physical prime had solid skills and as much physical talent as anyone in the entire history of the sport, but that was years ago and he simply isn’t very good anymore. He got KO’d in less than a round last time out at 175 against a guy (Danny Green) who was a solid 168 pounder before his retirement and comeback, and who when both guys were at their best would quite possibly literally never have laid a glove on Jones. Hopkins is both older than Jones and older than things like the alphabet and the moon and hydrogen, but he’s also much better preserved due to a Spartan lifestyle and actually knowing how to box. He may win this by a KO at some point, but is as likely to just grind out a soul-crushingly inevitable decision over the full 12. Don’t expect fireworks for your money- you’re buying the names if you’re buying this. But don’t. Really. If Jones wants to sell his brain cells to Hopkins that’s his business, but you don’t have to participate.

The semi-main for this is apparently Rocky Juarez vs. Jason Litzau, and honestly, fuck you over this one. Litzau has zero business being in a PPV semi-main. His offense is whatever and he can’t get out of the way of punches, which is particularly bad given that he’s got no chin and his career best achievements are being beaten into stupidity twice by Robert Guerrero and Jose Hernandez. There’s 7,000 guys like this in Mexico, South America and Africa, and several hundred at least who are better; Litzau is what people who hate Kelly Pavlik think Kelly Pavlik is- a club fighter. Rocky Juarez meanwhile… how does this guy still get these slots? He’s 0-5-1 in alphabelt fights and is best noted as a fighter for his utter inability to win the big one due to his refusal to let his hands go and risk competing with top class fighters. He comes off like a man happier to claim he got screwed on a close decision rather than give full effort in a title fight and run the risk that his full effort isn’t good enough. And yet here he is again, featured once more on PPV in the boxing equivalent of Tee-Ball against a chinless club fighter with 1/4 of a name, in a fight clearly designed to get him into another alphabelt title fight. Who outside Juarez’s family could possibly care about this? Pictures of who doing what does he have? Fuck this fight. Juarez will win by a KO which proves absolutely nothing.

Don’t buy this show. Seriously, you’ll be happier. Take the $50, bet it on Hopkins, and spend the 3 hours with someone you love- use the proceeds of the bet to take them to dinner. Tip well.

I’m told somewhere else in the world John Ruiz vs. Davis Haye is happening today. All I have to say about this “fight” is that it’s the only possible matchup out there which could get me to root for Haye, by which I mean basically that I’m too much of a humanitarian to hope that some nation with a conscience nukes the fight site from orbit. Haye is a decent fighter with no will to compete anymore who’s on the run from the Klitschkos at heavyweight, and that actually makes him the babyface here. John Ruiz… look, I just deleted an entire paragraph here describing my feelings towards John Ruiz, because it was too vulgar even for me. John Ruiz is awful. If refereeing in boxing was any good at all Ruiz would be disqualified in every single one of his fights, but it’s not so he isn’t so we’re stuck with him making ANOTHER comeback. I think he’s more or less even money to win this since his signature style negates talent, skills and ability of all kinds and revolves around hitting a jab and then hugging his opponent. Haye has never faced anyone like that before and may not have any idea how to deal with it, so Ruiz may well grope his way to a decision leaving us stuck with him…AGAIN… as one of the three best heavyweights out there. Good job boxing, that’ll draw some money.

These last two weekends have not been boxing’s best case for itself in the US. Mosley vs. Mayweather cannot get here soon enough.


April 3, 2010 - Posted by | Boxing

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