The Ship Be Sinking

Mouth Almighty

But don’t let that from stopping you…

OK, this Brock Lesnar thing is EVERYWHERE now. As Brendan found with Coates’ blog yesterday, I saw a mention on Matt Yglesias’ blog today. It links to this masterpiece:

I’m at work and can’t do this justice, so I unfortunately have to go to list form:

1. “So when he goes to fight a guy like Frank Mir, who he fought tonight and weighed in at 245, he has a huge size advantage of 45 pounds. When he fought Randy Couture, Lesnar probably outweighed him on the order of 65 pounds or more. Who do you suppose would win in a fight between a 145-pound featherweight and a 205-pound light heavyweight?”

Err…the smaller guy if it happens to be Mir-Lesnar 1. There’s an even better example – see # 3 below.

2. There are bigger fighters than Lesnar. The problem is there are very few who are just the right size, big enough to pose a threat to Lesnar but capable of cutting to 265.

Shane Carwin on line one…

3. I don’t think that Bob Sapp is a great fighter by any means. But I think that Bob Sapp could manhandle Brock Lesnar. There’s just no way Sapp could ever get down to 265 pounds.

WAT. The same Bob Sapp who was tapped by 170-pound Minowaman in DREAM earlier this year? The same Bob Sapp who tapped to strikes against Bobby Lashley (the D- version of Brock Lesnar in every respect, up to and including aptitude for pro wrestling while in WWE) at the 3:00 mark in his last fight? Now, if you amend that sentence to say “Bob Sapp could manhandle Brock Lesnar if he was piloting a Sherman tank”…well, I still wouldn’t have my money on Sapp, but it would at least be a fairer fight. Good lord, how you can you type that and expect to be taken seriously in an MMA discussion? Look, I try and stay away from in-depth analysis of the sport, because I just don’t have the chops. I couldn’t explain to you what a D’arce Choke is or the best way to escape the bottom position. But, I know enough about the sport to not say things like Bob Sapp would beat Brock Lesnar in anything other than perhaps Monopoly.

4. What we’re left, sadly, is a much bigger guy laying on top of smaller guys and punching them, with no technique, no excitement, and no real sense that he was accomplishing anything.

Sure, he accomplished nothing other than defeating a former UFC Heavyweight champion (that would be the second time he’s done so, in FIVE PROFESSIONAL FIGHTS), and there’s also the matter of becoming the undisputed Heavyweight champion himself. I could also go into the PPV buyrates and the reams of free publicity that UFC has gotten this week, but why bother?

Besides (and I say this as a huge GSP fan), what is the difference between Brock using his ground-and-pound against smaller dudes and GSP laying on people for 5 rounds, exactly? Also, please explain to me how utilizing world-class wrestling ability is the hallmark of an unskilled fighter? Show your work.

5. Really, the UFC has no business having a weight division with a span of 60 pounds.

Yep – cause no one else ever cuts weight. Also, why does everyone always assume that these sort of things are the UFC’s jurisdiction?

6. That, or sign the greatest mixed martial artist of all time, and a man light-years beyond Brock Lesnar in every measurable skill, the Last Emperor, Fedor Emelianenko. However, because Dana White cares more about winning his petty feuds than about what’s actually best for the UFC or its fans, that isn’t going to happen.

Say it with me, kids!  BUT DON’T LET THAT FROM STOPPING YOU.


July 14, 2009 - Posted by | MMA


  1. There was actually a much better (and more productive) article on Yahoo this morning about who might have a shot at beating Lesnar here:,176151

    It seems like the people who don’t get it and are trashing Brock are put off by his attitude (ie, they don’t understand how to sell fights), his pro-wrestling background (omg itz faek!!!!!!!!11oneonethenumberone), or some combination of both.

    I also find it funny that tons of people who wouldn’t even give UFC the time of day two years ago are now all up in arms about what they perceive to be the “right” and “wrong” ways to do things in MMA.

    Comment by Wacy | July 14, 2009 | Reply

  2. A lot of people have noted, and I agree, that what Hendo did to Bisping was much worse than what Brock did.

    Brock acted like a childish, immature ass. Basically he was a sore winner, which is kind of unpleasant but hardly the worst sin in the world.

    Hendo, on the other hand, purposefully gave Bisping a flying elbow drop AFTER it was obvious to everyone in the arena that Bisping was already out cold. And then he smirked about it during the post-fight interview and said, “Yeah I knew he was out, I just did it to shut him up a little.” Beating a guy who’s unconscious and can’t defend himself just to satisfy your desire to get back for a little trash talk? Now that’s despicable and it makes Brock’s sore loser routine look tame by comparison.

    All that shit about Brock’s weight and his skill is just this guy talking out of his ass, too. There have been plenty of fighters who’ve fought weighing it at around 220-225 and beating guys at or near the 265 limit. Couture vs Sylvia? Fedor vs. Hong Man Choi? Rashad Evans vs. Brad Imes? Brandon Vera vs. anybody? Brock Lesnar is a beast with power, speed and technique, and anyone who says different wasn’t really paying attention. No skill-less buffon could hold down a legit BJJ black belt for six and a half minutes and never be in danger of being submitted.

    Comment by Douglas | July 14, 2009 | Reply

  3. Also… Bob Sapp? LOLOLOLOLOL.

    Comment by Douglas | July 14, 2009 | Reply

  4. For this was born the phrase: retardicle. And if you poke around on that site it’s even worse; they appear to have decided to do the shallow, facile contrarian thing Slate does and turn it up to 11.

    Comment by theshipbesinking | July 14, 2009 | Reply

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