The Ship Be Sinking

Mouth Almighty

Can I Really Be….

…The only person who doesn’t give a honk about the All Star Game in the NBA? Skills competitions are fun because they’re something different, and the one on one tournament idea that gets kicked around would be one of the best things all year (though it will NEVER happen; too many egos), but the game itself and the preceding hoopla- blah. Once in a million years you get something interesting like the year AI led the rebel alliance into making the game almost serious for a while, or the year Kobe faced Jordan back when people with mental function above the brain stem thought Kobe might be as good as MJ; but for the most part it’s a bunch of guys with a 70% chance per man of actually deserving to be there ambling about at half speed and trying for reverse ally-oops on every play, shooting southpaw 3 pointers and trying to make court-length Hollywood passes which would put Steven Gerrard to shame. The standard of defense played usually resembles two drunks near closing time debating the meaning of life, each waiting for the other to finish so he can start. No buys.

Every year this spectacle gets vastly more talk than it deserves or can stand up to. If a player isn’t selected and his numbers are within screaming distance of decent you can guarantee a minimum of 5 “OMG TEHY SNUIBBED YOU!!!1!!!!11” columns written  in his “support”, whether or not he’d rather be on the beach in Negril or wherever instead of at the game. Every year of late the Chinese try and rig the vote like they’re Habs fans or something, and we all wonder what to do if they ever actually manage to get Yi in as a starter- laugh? Cry? Order pizza for the game in protest? Every year there’s at least one and often more comically unsuited players in the starting lineups; I see you, husk of the corpse of the remains of AI. Every year deserving players will miss out when a guy with 80% of their ability and better teammates gets picked for the game devoted to individual excllence because the next man over bails him out more frequently. Every year guys who actually deserve to be there at the game which celebrates Stardom will begin agitating for their little buddies to make it “because they do so much for the team”; this is conceptual fail, and LeBron’s doing it with Mo Williams is about the only thing he’s done wrong all year. Every year the extremely limited participating of WNBA players for cross-promotional purposes will be met with howls from a dedicated minority of “fans”, who will resort to witticisms of the “she can palm my balls anytime” type and make the rest of us want to kill them. Every year the game trails a 6 month long wake of bad articles of the form: player X wants to prove the haters/doubters/media/team management wrong by making the all star game next year/winning this year without having made the all star team. All of these articles suck and convey almost no information. Also no buys.

The worst part of all this for my money is that despite how silly the whole exercise is, despite the highly-visible sausage-making of the roster selection process and the vagaries of insane fan voting, people still take this stuff seriously for hall of fame/historical rankings debates as though somehow the current year’s team which they are most likely complaining about is the first one to have baffling and questionable selections in it.

I will leave you with the information that according to wikipedia, New Kids On The Block are performing the national anthem at this year’s game. You may draw the obvious inferances at your leisure.


January 23, 2009 - Posted by | Other NBA

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